I quit my job on Friday! I went in to Brian's office, and told him that I was quitting. I have never said this. I've said...I'm going home, I'm tired of this., but I've never said, "I quit". I hope it doesn't become a habit.

Over the last 2 weeks, 2 rumors have come back to me that just drive me nuts. The first one was that we all decided at our ministers retreat that we were "going instrumental" (sounds like "going postal"!). What do people think we do at retreats? Sit around and play "How to split the church". Good grief, is there really that much distrust. (yes Doyle, there is). Then last week, the rumor was that we were going to drop the "church of Christ" off our name. This came about after we changed our primary domain name from "southwestcofc.org" to "churchsouthwest.org". COME ON PEOPLE! I gues we brought our "how to split the church" game home with us and played it at staff meeting. Do people really think that if we had the hidden agenda of taking the cofc of our name, we would go about it by taking it off the website first. Next we'll take it off of our letter head, then our sign....THEN WE'LL TALK TO THE CHURCH ABOUT IT! How ridiculous of a plan would that be if that was even what we were talking about doing! Can you tell this ruffled my feathers a bit!

Now that I'm writing, I guess it boils down to 2 (or 5) things.
1. I hate that people I am giving my life to don't trust me.
2. I hate being misunderstood.
3. I hate being thought of as stupid.
4. I hate being "persecuted" for doing nothing wrong.
5. I hate it when people are focussed on the things that are seen around them instead of the huge spiritual battle thatis going on within us.

Wow, looking at that list....Thank you Father for giving me the opportunity to live the life of your Son. I'm such a whiner. I'm sorry. Your son got all of those things and more...you are just giving me the opportunity to be like Him. Help me love those that don't trust me to the extent of giving my life to them. Help me not worry about being understood for my sake of looking right but only seek that You be understood. Help me forgive. Help me rejoice in "persecution" for the joy set before me. Help me have pitty on those when they are seeing the seen and help me realize that in my frustration, I have become focussed on the seen right along with them. Take away my fear Father and let me just trust you. Give me wisdom in dealing with this.

I really didn't quit. Probably because nobody ever takes me serious! I just want to be Christ. I want this church to be a church that is of Christ SOOOOOOOO BAAAAAD.

Enough of that.

Tomorrow....no contacts for a week. Father, give me patience...let it be so much better than what I am expecting. I love you Father...thank you for this time in my life that you are teaching me how to be more like your son.

Doyle

Last night was awesome. In Oasis, we used "psalms" that some had written in Oasis the week before as a launching point for our worship. It was cool, interesting, powerful, etc., to see the different places we are in our walks with God. Some saying "God, where are you" and others saying, "God, you are here". It was pretty powerful for me. I pray that God was honored.

Sunday, we break ground on the children's wing. Break Ground? How lame is this tradition! Usually, it's a few old men with a shovel...like they are doing anything that makes a difference. Sunday, we will have 150 kids or so breaking ground with plastic shovels. My prayer is that this building will do more than make a difference in our parking. God, use this building to draw kids and their parents to you. Father, this building is nothing without YOU. We need you for this.

Last night when I got home, we had a bird in the house. I thought I had heard it earlier in the day and then saw the poop (of the bird variety) in Avery's sink. So when I get home last night, Everett was running down the stairs saying, "Dad, I found the bird". How is it that something as little and harmless as a sparrow makes me so jumpy. As soon as I started to get it (with a huge flashlight in one hand and a dust pan in the other, with Everett backing me up with his light saber!) it started flying around and flapping and stuff. You would have thought it was a flying snake the way I reacted. I'm such a dork!! Finally got it trapped in a box, took it out, and set it free. Freedom...hmm...there's a lesson in that. I wonder what was going through that bird's brain as it flew around my house for the day?

Ok, finally, here are some of the "psalms" we read last night.

Doyle

1.

You are a great, awesome,
powerful, loving Father.

God, you are love. And Your love is shown through Your Son. You offered up your one and only son for me…a sinner.

O Praise God for loving me, showing me mercy, and compassion. You, O God are my refuge, my tower, my rock in whom I put my faith, trust.

I honor you with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my soul.

Thank you for being faithful. I love you, God my father who reached down and picked me up from the depths of my sin.

Thank you, thank you , thank you.

2. You have all my praise God – You have been so faithful to me and my family! I praise you for wanting me to be part of your family, loving me enough to send your Son so you could wash me clean each moment of my day!

Praise to you for wanting to dwell in my unworthy body – filling, guiding and strengthening me to meet all challenges! You help me see the beauty of life and the beauty of living for you. Thank you!!!

Please continue to give the courage to proclaim your glory in my life. I will proclaim you to my family and people that I come in contact with. I can only do this because ofwho you are when I submit to you!

Great is your understanding and faithfulness!

3. O Lord I praise you. You are a Mighty God. You are a just God.

Where are you now? I can’t feel you. I can’t hear you. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want to hurt you with my sin anymore.

Show your face to me. Show me your power. Show me your mercy. Help me to own it, to know it to belongs to me.

Make me feel strong. Make me sure that you want me…a broken spirit, a lowly undeserving nothing. Make me something, a someone to you.

Make me yours. Le me feel your presence.

4. I feel like you are hiding from me. I don’t know where to find you. You! Who are you? How do I get to know you? How do I know you are really there? Who am I? Am I your daughter? Do you really love me? Why do I feel so alone? Why do I have so many questions? Shouldn’t I know all of this already? Is it just enough to believe you are the Son of God, be baptized, and now I am part of your family, saved from death? Is that all I need to do? Is there more?

God, how can I be sure?

5. Forever, Oh Lord, I will sing of your wonderful love.

You have delivered me from the pits, you save me from myself and from others, if I will only lean on you. Help me to lean on You, Oh Lord!

Help me give you all that is in my life. I don’t want to hold on to anything that is not of you!

Free me. Thank you for your love Oh Lord. Thank you for your peace.

You alone are my God.

Oh Lord, my heart is full of turmoil and stress, deliver me, give me your peace.

Oh Lord, my only hope, at times I feel hopeless, fill me with that hope of you. You make me forget my trouble, you alone fill me up with joy.

When I have you in my mind, and on my lips.

You alone can fill me with complete joy, complete peace. Fill me up Lord. Leave no small space totally filled with you!

I love you, Oh Lord, forever you will be my all.

You are my all!

6. LORD, I Know that You Hear Me, I Know that You Listen, I Know that You Care.

My Lonely Times, Oh LORD, I Know You are There.

My Times of Longing, You Fill Me,

My Strong Desires, You Temper Me and Direct Me In the Right Way.

In the Times When I Am So Aggressive to Pursue and Conquer Out In the World that I Exist In, Please Keep Your Strong Right Hand on My Shoulder to Keep Me from Fooling Myself.

Times of Testing and Trials, You Rescue and Deliver Me, Oh LORD,

Times of Agony and Grieving, LORD, You Comfort.

The Times of My Self-Centered, Prideful, Self-Reliant, and Arrogant Nature, You Humble Me.

My Times of Restlessness, You Calm Me,

When I Am Weak, You Bolster Me and Give Me the Strength and Power to Continue On; You Refuse to Allow Me to Become Discouraged.

In My Times of Straying, You Set the Boundaries,

When I Succeed, You Rejoice With Me and Allow Me Honor Only As Much As I Deserve and Can Handle.

The Times that I Wonder, You Answer, Oh LORD; The Times that I am Amazed, You Exalt Your Own Name.

The Times that I Need, You Provide.

When I Sin, You Discipline Me, But With Grace,

In Trespasses, You Forgive,

In My Iniquity, You Cleanse; For Me You Did What No Other Could Do, You Gave for Me Your Only Son. I Owe . . . I Cannot Repay. I Pray that You Continue to Teach Me, to Let Me Understand, and Let Me Live Grace.

Through and By Your Very Nature, You Do What Should Be the Impossible . . . You Love Me, Your Created One.

In Your Image, I am Created, A Thought Staggering to the Mind.

I Hold Within Me, Your Own Spirit, Your Breath of Life, Your Love.

Oh LORD, Please Bless Me and Keep Within Me What I Already Possess, that Being the Drive and Desire

to Be What You Want Me to Be.

Cause Me to Love and Reach and Teach and Live as Only Your Child Should, to Be Totally You.

Man, I hate it when I am this busy. I think I hate it even more when Christy is so busy. When Christy is so busy, she just doesn't seem like she is enjoying life. I hate that for her because "when mama's not happy, nobody's happy!!". I just hate that for her.

While I'm hating...I don't know why, but I have worried more about Southwest the past couple of weeks than I ever have since I've been here. Not because I think we're doing anything wrong, in fact it might be because I think God is doing some incredible things. But when God works, I think Satan works too. It seems like people are being misunderstood more and more. More rumors, absolutely false rumors happen. More people are angry at each other, even though they want the exact same things. Maybe this is the pain of growing...getting in a real battle with Satan. If we can't love each other...the evil one wins.

Father,
Lead us through this. Let our words be heard for what is said from the heart. Don't let your enemy use our words of love to drive wedges between us. Give me peace about what you are doing Father. I love you so much Father. It is only for You that I would care about any of this. I love you, and I want to love who You love. Father, continue to shape me into the man you want me to be. Continue to tell me that I am worthy of calling you Abba. You know me and you still love me.

I love you God...use me for Your will.

Your son,
Doyle

I am so proud of my wife and kids today. My wife because in her way she shares her faith with those around her (SR). God, thank you for using my wife to run after SR. My son Everett because while he is so good and mature...he is still a kid...and I love that. God, don't let him grow up too fast (or too slow!). Avery, because she asked SR to pray with her...and God used her to run after SR. True...because he's just True right now.

Thank you Father for my family.

OUT!!!

Been a weird couple of days for me. Yesterday, I went to the eye dr...yet another one...with mixed expectations...not sure of what I wanted to happen. Here is what I got. Less than a month from now, I will have cataract surgery. I'm not even thirty-five yet and I am having cataract surgery!!! Their are two parts that kind of scare me (beyond puking all over the doc when he sticks an i.v. in me and then operates on my eye WHILE I'M AWAKE!!!) 1. is that it won't work. I'll still not be able to see because my eyesight stinks so bad. Nothing ever works right for me in my eyes anyway (what a downer!). I'm afraid to get real excited knowing that with my history, it might not be as good as the doc hopes. The other is that I will have another retinal detatchment. This surgery puts me at a higher risk than I already am. Both of these fears, I have to deal with. They are real fears but not anything that overcomes the good that can come out of this. God, I pray for healing again. Make my eyes work so good that no one has any doubt that it came from you.

There are so many lessons that I learn about human kind when I think about this. So many do the same thing with loving God as I am doing with this surgery. We say...I don't want to get my hopes up because I have been burned so many times before. Or, loving God like he wants me to love Him might make things so much worse than before. I don't know where I'm going with this...just thinking with my fingers.

Thursday, we go on staff retreat. This is one of these things that I both dread and look forward to. I look forward to time together with people I love. I look forward to being challenged by men and mostly by my Father. I look forward to Brian grabbing my shoulder and walking me closer and closer to walk like Jesus. I fear failure. I fear coming away with no answers. I fear having to be truthful to people when it might "hurt their feelings". And, I can't stand sitting in meetings ALL DAY LONG. Father, will you just show up. That will be so much more than enough. God, change us as a staff family more into what your son would love as a bride. Purify us this weekend...strengthen us...make us stronger...God you will be my rock through the good and the bad of this weekend. I love you so much God. I'm nothing without you.

Your son,

Doyle

Now off to watch E sing and CC direct. Woohoo..Elementary choir!!!

Mother's Day,

Who thought this up???!!! The cynic side of me says it was just someone who wanted to make money selling 5 dollar Mother's Day cards. The other side...I guess that's the non-cynic side, says it's someone who had a mom like me. This morning, I get to lead a body of about 850 into a place to worship our creator. As I ready myself, and ask God to use me this morning for His glory, I think of all the ways Mom influenced me and prepared me for this.

Mom loves God...I can't think of 1 time in my life when I thought to myself..."well she's not acting very christian like." Mom has the heart of a servant. She always puts others before her. Jesus said, "If you want to become first, you must become last." My mom is going to be first in line in the kingdom of heaven. Mom loves her family. I know with everything that I am that my mom prays for me regularly. I hope she knows how much that means to me. I probably should tell her. Father, thank you for my Mom. Thank you for giving me the gift of her. Thank you for using her to lead me to you. Thank you for the day when mom nudged me down the aisle to join you in my new life by being baptized. Thank you Father, for my mom. Protect her from the evil one.

Father, this morning as I lead, let me lead this family like Mom leads ours. Let me lead in humility and in service to you and this family. Thank you Father.

Finally, here are the words to the song that we will be starting with this morning. Every time I sing these words, I am overcome with the power of the one who loves me. Father, use the words and music of this song to overcome others with the awesome love of You and Your Son.

Magnificent

Who compares to you?
Who set the stars in their place?
You who calmed the raging seas
that came crashing over me.
Who compares to You?
You who bring the morning light,
the hope of all the earth
is rest assured in Your great love.

You are magnificent, eternally, wonderful,
glorious, Jesus, no one ever will compare to you Jesus.

When the evening fades,
You call forth songs of joy,
and as the morning wakes,
we Your children give You Praise.

You are magnificent, eternally, wonderful,
glorious, Jesus, no one ever will compare to you Jesus.

------------------

Father,
Use me for your glory and delight this morning. I am yours!

Doyle

Am I arrogant? This is a question I have been asking myself for the last couple of days. I remember back in the day (ha!) when it totally ticked me off to be around spiritually arrogant people. People who thought they had it all figured out, therefore I was an idiot. I don't want to be that person. I want to be true to myself and to God but not to the extent of the sin of pride. I think arrogance is just another form of pride. Father, if I am arrogant please expose that in me. Help me only be an humble servant of yours. When I speak to people I disagree with, let me speak to them out of love for them and you, not as a knowitall. Father help me not be deceived by the evil one in this.

Last night was the Junior/senior banquet. What a blast!!! Although their were some weired times...some kids and parents who just didn't want to be there I guess...Tim Hawkins was awesome. There were a few people there that gave off the air that they were too cool to have fun and just laugh. THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY. Christy told me today that 6 kids in her class got sent to the office by the substitute because they told the sub they "were too cool to do the hokey pokey". These are the kids that become too cool for fun, too cool for anyone or anything that is not their idea and I believe too cool for God. Too cool for the hokey pokey is definitely too cool for God!!! Good grief...lighten up and have fun...Tim was much funnier than the Hokey Pokey!! I think that is the way some get in church...just lighten up and ENJOY your salvation. "Restore unto me the JOY of my salvation." Yeah, that's what we need!

Last night while we were gone...the kids were with a baby sitter. When it was bath time, they all wanted to take a bath in our bathtub..not sure why. When Avery got out of the tub, her leg was bleeding...she had shaved her legs!!!! Oh man, you don't know how much my stomach hurts when I think of her even being old enough to shave!! Nevertheless, Ave took a razor to her legs. She still hasn't told us about it. I can't wait to love her and laugh with her tonight.

Father,
You are so good to me. Thank you for the encouragement I got from Terry last night. I hope that was from you. Thank you for the time with Christy at lunch today. Thank you for sweet Avery and how great you have made her. Father...protect Avery. She is gonna need you and so am I. God thank you for always being my Rock. Heal Kyle...be his Rock.

Let me always have the joy of my salvation on my lips. I love being your child. I LOVE BEING YOUR CHILD!!!!!

Your son, Doyle

"Worship is something that happens when humanity and divinity come together. The intersection does not produce perfection, but understanding. We are only human, and worship is meant, among other things, to remind us of that. The main idea behind worship is that we come to a good understanding of who we are and who God is."

Great quote...that I had to put somewhere I would remember!!

Ok, cool, I didn't know I could post pictures but now I can. Aren't I just the smartest dude in the world!!

Go Raiders!!

Finding myself at a loss for words. And the funny thing is...it's o.k.

Today as I was thinking about what I need to say to the group that meets here tonight...that kind of thought hit me. I don't know what to say. Why should I get to say? Because God put me here to say. I must be faithful to him. So many times I struggle with confidence with what I am saying...that's just the evil one lying to me...telling me I'm not good enough or that God's word isn't important enough. I find myself changing what I am going to say...tiptoeing around people's feelings. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I want to save people from hurting but is that what I accomplish by withholding truth. Hmmmmmm...Father, please guide me as I speak and worship you tonight. Teach us to be like your servant David in having a "heart for God".

What are the important things I want to see done in my lifetime? Are they the same thing that would be God's important things? That is what I will examine tonight. Are my ways, His ways. If they are...I get freedom...if they are not....I get imprisonment. Hmmmmmmm...Father, make me more Free. You sent your Son for freedom. Make me free in His ways.

The other question I have roaming around in my little brain today is about "meeting people's needs". What is "meeting peoples needs"? Is making people happy, the same as meeting people's needs. Do I meet felt needs or real needs? If my son is hungry, do I give him ice cream to fill his belly or do I give him something nourishing. That is my struggle today. How long do you continue to feed milk? I hope I'm not arrogant in calling things milk and other meat. It just seems to me that in churches, so many are so happy drinking milk all of their lives. Is meat scary?

Father, give me discernment. Show me clearly what is meat and milk and when it is time to feed what. God, I'm so glad you know my heart because today my head doesn't sound right. Listen to my heart. Father, as I lead in worship tonight, bring me into your presence. If I don't encounter you tonight Father, it's just noise. I don't want to waste my breath on noise. God, change me in your room tonight. And then change others. I want no credit...only you to be known by this body. This my hearts desire....that this body know you...that I know you more. Give us more of you tonight. Please God...we know you love us in our head...tell it to our hearts. Reconnect our heads to our hearts. They act so differently sometimes. It's all about you tonight God....all about you...all about you. You are the only one that is worth singing. Give us the freedom that comes in knowing you and your son.

I will sing to You Lord because You are good. Your love endures forever.

Thank you God!!! Your son....Doyle

About a month into this praying and fasting thing and here are some of my thoughts...
1. I am so spoiled. I get hungry and whiney and stuff....then I start thinking about those who get one meal a day a most...I am so spoiled!
2. God is so good to me. It's just true. He loves me so far what I deserve to be loved. I guess that's what a good Father does. That's what my earthly Father did. My heavenly Father is even better.
3. I am easily distracted. It has been amazing to me how much I have "planned" durring our prayer times. Why is it so very easy to put other things in front of God?
4. God is good to me....no kiddin.
5. God is sovereign. That seems to be what he is telling me as I am praying to him and depending on him. Son, I'll take care of things...you just seek me. Thank you Father for telling me that over and over.
6. God can change ANYBODY. He even changed me!!! Thank you Father for changing me...and continueing to change me.

Yesterday, I learned that a family that had been going to church with us for a long time has moved to another church. This breaks my heart. I love this family...probably don't agree with him on everything or even most things but I do love them. I just hate it when our humanness gets in the way of our unity in Christ.

My kids are so awesome. Last weekend was Avery's 7 year old birthday party/sleepover. Wow, was that interesting. It just takes a few minutes around "other" kids to remind me how special my kids are to me. The same night, Everett was at a friends house who wanted him to play a xbox game with him. E noticed that the game was "rated m for mature" so he told his friend that he probably shouldn't play. PRAISE GOD FOR MY BOY!!! Then True told me the story of Noah last night. That was so awesome!!

Father,

Forgive us...forgive me...you know how much I need it. Thank you for already doing that. Thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for my kids...you have blessed me so much...wow...how did I deserve them?? Grow in E the heart that he already has that wants to do what is right. Now grow in all of them just the yearning to know you....not just do what is right.

Thank you Father,

Doyle