I just wish I could be "truer" all the time. I want to live in God's will all the time. It's so easy for me to talk the talk, and so easy for me to walk my own walk. I waste time...I don't do what I want to do....God, please help me have a pure heart.

The song that has come through my head over and over lately is "Refiner's Fire".
My heart's one desire is to be holy, set apart for you Lord. I want to sing that and MEAN that this is my heart's one desire. In truth, my heart has many more desires. I desire stuff for me, not stuff for Him. I want so much to be like Jesus, every minute of every day...but I can't. Should I be happy that I want that? I mean, at least I'm not happy with where I am. I know that God loves me...I just don't always know why. I'm tired of leading worship and just singing...I want to lead people into...I want to live in the throne room of my Father in heaven.

I do things that I don't want to do. I don't treat my wife/kids/neighbors/etc. like I want to treat them. God help me.

Father,
Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Please don't give up on me. Continue to give me your spirit...even when I deny it or go against it. Father, I do love you. I'm sorry I don't live my life like that every day. I want to go to sleep tonight with you on my mind and wake up tomorrow ready to life with the attitude of your son. Help me tear down masks that I put up. help me be absolutely real. I love you Father...will you grant me these things so that you may receive glory? I love you God. I tell you thank you for your son, and it seems so trivial. But, thank you so much for your son. I want a new language, a new way to say thank you for your son. Maybe you just gave it to me. I will say thank you for your son by running away from the sin that takes me away from you. Thank you for telling me that. I love you Father.

Yours son...thank you,
Doyle